What to Say to a Writer

Writing takes courage and no small amount of faith

At my writer’s group recently, we were going around the circle and checking in—giving the others an update on our own writing, perhaps raising an issue we’d been facing. One woman, when it was her turn, expressed frustration over a question she is asked often by those who know she’s working on a memoir. “When are you going to get your book published?”

When indeed. For anyone who doesn’t make a habit of wrestling with words and calling it her livelihood, let me tell you a secret. This is the question every writer dreads. It’s a question that pokes us, taunts us, by way of saying there should be a measurable outcome to everything we do and perhaps we’ve chosen the wrong thing to spend our time on.

A journalist writes to meet a deadline. An academic writes to stay relevant. A copywriter writes to sell.

The writers in my group are not the publish-or-perish type. Our work has a more subtle intent. We are trying to solve something that may not have a solution. And we won’t know that until we do.

We aren’t capitalists. We don’t keep a time sheet. We don’t have a business plan. We don’t build empires. We don’t insist on deadlines that force us to a place we don’t yet know exists.

We aren’t lion tamers. We don’t train words with a whip, making them do tricks for others. Writing must maintain its wildness. We’re just along for the ride.

This is why we don’t know how to answer these questions. They seem to be in Farsi, and we only speak English.

• How long have you been working on your book?

• When will you be done?

• How long is your book?

• What’s your next project after this one?

• Do you have a publisher yet?

As Annie Dillard writes, “Process is nothing; erase your tracks. The path is not the work. I hope your tracks have grown over; I hope birds ate the crumbs; I hope you will toss it all and not look back.” (The Writing Life)

Let me tell you something else. I came to the end of my latest revision this week. For a quick minute I breathed. But my first thought wasn’t to begin researching literary agents or tell you how to preorder copies on Amazon.

My first real thought was, “Now that I’m done, I can sit down and write my story.”

This is how writers think. We arrive, hoping for greater insight, a clearer path that then requires going back to the beginning, rubbing that new insight like a smooth stone.

It takes courage, believe me, and no small amount of faith, which is assailed most days when we look at our words from the day or week or year before and they’ve lost their sheen. Still we persist, sometimes taking a necessary break, sometimes diving even deeper into the murky waters we’re trying to see our way through.

Here are a few thoughts on what to say to the writer in your life:

• What feeds your writing?

• I’m interested in what you’re working on.

• How has writing changed you?

• I admire your commitment to your writing!

• Courage, my friend.

When we write, we put symbols (words) on the page. We don’t know yet what meaning they contain. We can’t because we are traveling in new territory. It is full of mystery. “Right now,” Dillard says, “your job is to hold your breath.”

6 thoughts on “What to Say to a Writer”

  1. I LOVE this post and am sharing it with other writing friends. As the person who expressed the frustration about the publishing question, I am so grateful for your thoughtful and helpful insights. And bravo to you for your courage in completing the current stage of your memoir. I am so grateful to be in a writing group with you. Blessings!


    1. I was glad you raised the question, as it’s one that I, and many writers, get more than we’d care to! I, too, feel blessed by your presence in our group and in my life.


  2. Hi Lenore,
    How encouraging to read these words. I really must attend my local Writer’s Circle where meetings are held just around the corner from my home.
    I have been journalling since October 2005 and writing work reflections since mid 1990’s.
    The other day I started to read my journal from 2005 and can see how my reflections have progressed and also helped me delve deeper into my past which in turn captures my present.


  3. Margaret,
    How nice to meet you from across the pond! I’m impressed with your journaling habit going back nearly 15 years! I began about 10 years ago and found it to be a wonderful way to reflect on life, process, and simply practice what I love to do–write. I also value having a community of writers with whom I can share, discuss, and get back on writing.
    I’m sorry to hear about your mom (mum). My neighbor’s husband was born in Scotland and one of their sons lives there, so I’ll share with them that that’s where Irish people who die go 🙂
    Who are some of your favorite Irish authors? I can always expand my reading.
    Wishing you all the best!


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